Kahe Unsune se Shabd

Aapse ruthe nahi the hum,
Shayad khud se hi naraaz the.

Aaj bhi kuch pal yaad aate hai,
Aapke mere milaap ke.

Kabhi kabhi sochta hu galti ho gai mujhse,
Par fir saari pida wapaas aa jaati hai.

Kya kahe mohatarma...
Pyaar pe humara koi niyantran nahi.

Kaash nahi hota..toh shayad
Ek acchi dost nahi khoyi hoti.

Inn dino khali aapke shabdo se mann ko santusht karte hai.

Aapka dukh hum dekhte hai,
Jaante hue ki isska vajay hum he.

Mitaana toh hai, par sochiye,
Jis santaap ko aap bhulogi, woh hum pe hi wapas aa jaayega.

Aasha ek hai toh yeh,
Ki aap humko bhul jai,
Yaa gaali de,
Keval hamare iss vyahvar ko sahan na kare.

Lekin aapka ruh saaf hai,
Aur aapki shama anant.

Har roz khud ko tadpata hu,
Ki kya uttar hai iss paheli ka.

Dhundte dhundte, khud ko hi bhul gaya hu.

Aapse ruthe nahi the hum,
Shayad khud se hi naraaz the.

The Song of Ravaged Faith

Your eyes in that moment changed everything,
When I had confronted you with a broken heart,
They said more words than you could manage,
You had destroyed everything we had,
Perhaps they conveyed regret,
What was I to do with you, as you were killing my soul bit by bit?
They started to moisten with fear,
You knew you were wrong,
One drop fell right across that cheek,
I wanted to end it all last night,
Your eyes in that moment changed everything,
When I realized that I cared more about not hurting you than about myself,
That tear they shed, which I had caused pained more than anything you could ever do,
You said you wanted things to remain as they were,
But they knew, they could see mine: darkened and furious,
How could I ever trust you again?
Your eyes in that moment changed everything,
When I realized that for you, I'll stoop to pretend I would forgive you, when I knew I never could.
They said they would do anything to take back what you did yesterday,
But actions always have consequences,
They managed to save our relation,
You made sure it would always be stained with resentment,
Your eyes in that moment changed everything,
When I realized that we would never be the same again.

P.S It's been a long two years. I suppose I pretty much abandoned this place. I have changed a lot as a person, I'm no longer a shy, fat guy who always got ridiculed. I long for company these days, instead of wanting to be with myself. But I haven't stopped feeling, and I'm still fascinated by the depths of emotion. This piece was a result of something someone did to me. Someone I cared about, someone whom I once loved, but now can barely talk to. It's woven shabbily and quickly, but it is really something I needed to say somewhere. I don't think anyone will ever read it, but if you do, please think a 100 times before saying or doing something which may hurt someone you care about, just a few words can break friendships worth a lot more. Thank you.

Realm of Possibilities

The Hello

Today a single flower,

lies in the remains of

A plentiful meadow,

One, where many used to sway.

The Meetings

Oft, the flower,

Used to bump into

Another flower's grace,

With mellowed laughter.

The Distance

The flower doesn't know,

If it is mere hallucination,

Or if it actually sees another flower,

At the brink of the horizon; or beside him.

The Pain

It wants to go and check,

But the frailty of its form,

Prevents a clear passage,

Making its heart shriek in grief.

The Loneliness

The flower only lives,

Upon memories of times past,

But remembering them,

Only continues to wither it.

The Question

Is the spot beside the flower,

Really starting to bustle with life?

Or is it just another memory,

Which continues to wither it away?

Why have I?

Why have I;

Cut you off?

Tortured myself?

Saddened you?

Why have I;

Never braved up?

Never confessed?

Never fought back?

Why have I;

Not apologized?

Not helped?

Not forgiven?

Why have I;

Loved?

Regretted?

Felt empty?

Why have I;

Cried?

Smiled?

Remained neutral?

Why have I;

Behaved rashly?

Not done what I want?

Not done what they wanted?

Some whys are painful,

Some whys bring remorse,

Some whys tear one up,

Some whys kill.

Escape?

Did you escape?

I had seen you then,
When you stood in front of him.

He, who brought out the worst of bitterness in you.

He, who left you beaten up when all you did was love.

He, who killed your soul while you lived....

So tell me did you escape?

Or did you descend into that same realm of vulnerability?

And left me to weep alone?

Words Unspoken

"I like you, I really do." He said to himself, rehearsing what he would like to say to her one day. "You have the most infectious smile, the heartiest of laughs, the prettiest of faces. You're as close to perfection as perfection itself." He smiled at how cheesy the sentence was. Then his expression turned sad. "Perhaps," he thought, "That is the problem. She wouldn't understand the humour behind that sentence. I'm not understood-I'm different, somebody else. I can't make people laugh. I have no special qualities. Why would anybody like me?" He sighed, and started doing whatever menial work he could find.

Several days passed. The same thought continued to sadden him. He couldn't tell her, he was too afraid. He couldn't tell anyone else either, he did not like being judged, nor teased.

More time. His feelings elevated on each interaction with her. He couldn't contain it anymore. He had to tell it to someone. Thus, he switched on his computer, went to a place where he could write, and wrote his story. There was some difference between fiction and non-fiction though, the former ended on a good note, where they lived happily ever after.

The non-fictional self knows, she'll never be his, yet he writes the happy ending, hoping she would be. 

To care about others more than oneself.

She walked down the footpath which was deserted in the early hours of the morning. To her left, she saw a closed shop, with a banner which said, "Opening shortly!" with a smiling face imprinted below the words. She wondered whether that meant that it was to open in the day, or that the shop hadn't officially opened yet. After pondering upon it for about two minutes, she chose the latter option and continued walking; curiosity killed her.

A passerby may have, ironically, wondered what she was doing there at that hour. If asked, her answer would be, "I don't know, thinking maybe?" She was like that, closed. She liked to spend time alone; reading, taking solitary walks. She was a woman with many social responsibilities to keep, that of being a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, a friend, a colleague, a teacher and so on. She didn't get time for herself, except for such mornings where she woke up early due to a nightmare. 

She took a look at her watch. Twenty minutes till she had to drop her child to school. She started heading back.

As she began going back home, she remembered herself. The small girl who loved to paint. The teenager who loved to gossip with her friends and sit in secluded corners and read. The college girl who was given awards for her merit and achievements. The graduate who was sought out by the best of employers.

Only memories of this past remained in the lady who had to sacrifice herself for the happiness of society and family.